Karen's Big Joke Read online

  Andrew and I like to get mail. Even better, we like to meet the mail truck. But the mail truck usually comes while I am at school and Andrew is at preschool. Today, we could wait for it.

  I never know what might arrive in the mail. Maybe a letter from Maxie, my pen pal. Or a letter from my grandparents in the state of Nebraska. Or a really interesting magazine. Or even a package!

  Andrew and I got a snack in the kitchen. Then we sat on the front stoop and ate our apples and raisins. Pretty soon Andrew jumped up. He said, “Here comes the mail truck!” Then he added, “Hold onto your hats!”

  My brother and I raced across our yard.

  Squeak, squeak went the brakes of the mail truck.

  “Hello, hello!” we called.

  “Hello!” replied Mrs. Ramirez. She is our letter carrier. She handed me a stack of letters. Then she handed Andrew a box.

  “Quick, Karen!” exclaimed Andrew. “Read the box. Who is it for?”

  “Hey, it’s for us!” I said. “It is from McBuzz’s Mail Order.”

  We said good-bye to Mrs. Ramirez. We ran inside. I gave the letters to Mommy. Then Andrew and I tore open the box from McBuzz’s.

  “Here is my camera!” shrieked Andrew. He opened a plug in the bottom of the plastic camera. He filled the camera with water. “Say cheese!” he said to me.

  “Cheese!” I pretended to pose for a picture.

  Squeep! A stream of water squirted me in the face.

  We looked in the box again. I pulled out the plastic cockroach. “Do you know what I am going to do with this?” I asked Andrew. “I am going to take it to school on April Fools’ Day Eve. I am going to get Bobby Gianelli with it. I will wait until gym is over. I will hide the bug in his shoe. Then when he takes off his sneakers and changes into his shoes, his foot will squish right on the bug!”

  “Ew,” said Andrew. He looked in the box again. He took out the trick soap and the trick gum and the trick ice cube and the rubber spider.

  April Fools’ Day was going to be gigundoly fun.

  I was really going to get Bobby Gianelli.

  No Fun

  I watched the kids in my gymnastics class. Our class had not started yet. We were waiting for Gemma and Jannie to arrive. While we waited, we practiced turning cartwheels. Polly was the best. Gregg was the next best. He and Polly just went right over, with their legs high in the air. I tried two cartwheels. Both times, I bent my knees. My legs fell down. I looked like a crab.

  When Gemma and Jannie showed up, Miss Donovan began our class. She asked us to sit on one of the tumbling mats. I sat between Polly and Sophie.

  “Today,” said Miss Donovan, “we are going to work on floor exercises. Each of you is going to learn a short routine.”

  That sounded like fun. I turned to Polly. I wanted to say, “Oh, cool,” to her. That is what I would have said to Dana. But Dana was not in my class anymore. And Polly was not looking at me. She was watching Miss Donovan.

  I looked in the other direction, at Sophie. She was watching Miss Donovan, too. I sighed. I felt as if I were not a part of my new class. I wanted to be friends with all the other kids.

  I nudged Sophie. “Do you like April Fools’ Day?” I whispered.

  Sophie glanced at me. “I guess so,” she whispered back.

  “I am going to play some good jokes.”

  “Mm-hmm.”

  “I bought trick soap and trick gum and a rubber bug.”

  “Yup.”

  “I got them from this catalog. It’s called McBuzz’s Mail Order.”

  Sophie glanced at me again. “Shhh! I cannot hear Miss Donovan,” she said.

  Well. What nerve. I decided to leave Sophie alone. Maybe Polly would be my gymnastics friend. “Hey, Polly,” I whispered.

  “Yeah?” Polly did not look at me. Miss Donovan was showing us how to do a handstand. Polly was watching closely.

  “At my school we are going to play April Fools’ tricks on Friday,” I told Polly. “April Fools’ Day is really on Saturday, but we want to celebrate in school, too. I thought of a way cool trick to play on — ”

  Polly raised her hand. “Miss Donovan?” she said. “Can you please show us the handstand again? I need to see something.”

  Well. What nerve. I decided to leave Polly alone, too. Maybe Gregg would be my gymnastics friend. Gregg was sitting in front of me. I poked him.

  Gregg turned around. “What?”

  “Do you get McBuzz’s Mail Order?” I asked him.

  Now Gregg raised his hand. “Miss Donovan?” he said. “Karen Brewer is bothering me. She will not let me pay attention.”

  “Karen, please keep quiet,” said Miss Donovan.

  Humph. I decided I did not like my new gymnastics class at all. The kids were mean. They did not want to be my friends.

  I glanced around at them. Not one was looking at me. They were all watching Miss Donovan. Well, if they were going to ignore me, then I would ignore them back. I would even ignore Natalie and Jannie. But only in gymnastics school. Not in regular school.

  After awhile Miss Donovan let us stand up. We did some stretching exercises. Then we practiced the floor routine.

  “Karen,” said Natalie. “Can you do a split?”

  “Karen,” said Gemma. “Could you help me?”

  “Karen,” said Sophie. “I did not hear Miss Donovan’s instructions. What did she say?”

  I did not answer any of them. I did not even talk to Miss Donovan.

  “Look at Me!”

  Roll, roll, roll, “Ta-dah!”

  I turned three forward rolls in a row, then jumped to my feet and took a bow. I had started rolling in the hallway of the big house, and I landed in the den. Kristy was there playing Candy Land with Andrew and Emily Michelle. “You landed on red,” she said to Emily.

  “Ta-dah!” I cried again.

  “Oh,” said Kristy. “Very nice, Karen.” She went back to the game.

  Boo.

  I left the den. I ran into the living room. Sam and Charlie were there. “Look at me!” I exclaimed. I put one leg forward and one leg back, and I slid into a split. Sort of. Halfway down my knees bent.

  “Gee, that’s great, Karen,” said Charlie.

  “Yeah. You ought to be in the Olympics,” added Sam.

  “Meanie-moes,” I said.

  I ran upstairs to the playroom. David Michael was there with Shannon. He was teaching Shannon to sit up and give her paw.

  “Look at me!” I cried. I turned a backward roll. It was perfect.

  “What a cinch,” muttered David Michael. “Anybody can do that.”

  This was not true. I could do it because of gymnastics. I could do it because I had taken first beginners, and now I was in second beginners.

  So far, I had gone to pretty many of my new gymnastics classes. I still did not talk to the kids. But I was learning a lot. My forward rolls and backward rolls were great. I could do lots of things on the balance beam. I could do some things on the little trampoline. (But I could not turn a cartwheel.)

  Maybe I should practice.

  I ran back downstairs. I cartwheeled into the den. (I landed on my bottom.)

  “Ha, ha,” said Andrew.

  I cartwheeled into the living room. (I landed on my bottom again.)

  “Good job,” said Sam.

  I cartwheeled into the kitchen. Daddy and Elizabeth and Nannie were there. They were drinking coffee.

  I landed on my feet. Even so, Daddy said,

  “Honey, not in the kitchen, please.”

  And Nannie added, “I nearly spilled my coffee. You surprised me.”

  “Sorry,” I said.

  I went to my bedroom.

  I decided my family was rude. Especially my brothers.

  Sam had made fun of me. Charlie had teased me. David Michael had been mean to me. Andrew had laughed at me. And that was not all. Daddy and Elizabeth and Nannie did not care about my cartwheels. Kristy did not care about my three forward rolls in a row. I could not tell whethe
r Emily cared. She had not said anything. I decided she probably did not care. She could have said, “Yea!” or clapped her hands. But she had played Candy Land instead.

  “Everybody is mean,” I said to Moosie. “Plus, everyone forgets their manners. Do you know what David Michael did at dinner tonight? He stabbed his baked potato with his fork, and then he waved the potato around and called it a Popsicle. So then Andrew copied him. Only his potato fell off the fork and hit Sam’s arm and Sam poked Andrew and Andrew cried and Emily got mad and threw her plate on the floor. Isn’t that disgusting? My family will never win the Beautiful Family contest. They are too rude. Because of them I will not get to dance the hula in Hawaii.”

  Karen’s Big Joke

  “That is not fair,” I told Moosie. “I want to go to Hawaii. I could go to Hawaii, if my family had manners. If they were a Beautiful Family. Hmm. I wonder if I could make them beautiful, Moosie.”

  Moosie said he was not sure. He said I should try, though.

  At breakfast on Saturday, I said, “David Michael, please chew with your mouth closed. You are giving me Lookies.”

  “I like to give you Lookies,” my brother replied. He shoveled some scrambled eggs into his mouth. Then he added some blue-berries. He chewed everything up. He opened his mouth. “Lookie!” he said.

  “Oh, gross!” I cried. “Daddy, David Michael gave me an egg-and-blueberry Lookie. It was yellow and blue. It was turning green.”

  “Daddy, Karen is a tattletale,” said Andrew.

  “Oh, everybody be quiet,” I said.

  Breakfast was almost over when Sam sat back in his chair. He opened his mouth. He made a gigundo burp.

  “Sam!” I exclaimed.

  My family was not getting any more beautiful.

  Later that morning, Charlie said, “Who wants to help me wash the Junk Bucket?” The Junk Bucket is Charlie’s beat-up old car. It really does look like a bucket of junk.

  “Me!” said Emily.

  “I do!” said Andrew.

  “I do, too!” said David Michael.

  I did not want to help. But I wanted to watch. I sat on the front steps of the big house. Emily and my brothers put on their oldest clothes. They found buckets and sponges. Charlie dragged out the hose.

  “Okay, let’s wash ’er up!” said Charlie. (He meant the Junk Bucket.)

  Andrew grabbed the hose. He tripped over a bucket of water.

  Emily squeezed soap onto her head. “Shampoo!” she cried.

  The Junk Bucket looked as Junky as ever. No one was washing it.

  I sighed. My family was a mess, and so was the car.

  Even our pets were not beautiful. When I went into the house, I met Boo-Boo. He had just come through the cat door.

  He was carrying a mole in his mouth. The mole was dead.

  “Ew, ew, ew! Disgusting!” I shrieked.

  “Karen? What is wrong?” asked Elizabeth.

  “This family is disgusting,” I replied. “Boo-Boo caught a mole. He brought it inside. It is hanging out of his mouth.”

  “He is a cat, Karen,” said Elizabeth. “Cats do that.”

  “And Sam burped at the table and David Michael was giving me Lookies and Andrew tripped over a bucket of water and Emily is putting soap in her hair.”

  I marched upstairs to the playroom. I flopped into a chair. I looked through Beautiful Home. There was the ad for the contest. I read it again. I read every word. Last year, said the ad, Beautiful Home received two hundred and fifty thousand entries in the Beautiful Family contest.

  “Two hundred and fifty thousand entries?” I cried. Well. I probably would not win a trip to Hawaii even if my family was the best behaved, most beautiful family in Stoneybrook.

  Bullfrogs.

  And then, while I was staring at the ad, a wonderful idea came to me. It was an idea for an April Fools’ joke, my biggest joke ever.

  Head Up, Back Straight

  I walked back and forth across the low balance beam. Each time I came to the end of the beam, I turned around carefully. In the old days, when I was a first beginner, I hopped off the beam at each end. I turned around on the mat. Then I climbed on the beam again. Now I could turn around on the beam. I did it very gracefully. I held out my arms. I kept my back straight. I kept my head up. If I remembered, I pointed my toes.

  “Hey, Karen, that was good,” said Gemma.

  “Thanks,” I mumbled.

  “Will you show me how to turn around like that?” she asked.

  I said, “I guess,” but just as I did, Miss Donovan said something, too. She said, “Boys and girls, let’s start class now.”

  That was all right with me. Ever since I had stopped talking to the kids in my class, I had been learning an awful lot of things. Like how to turn around at the end of the beam. I was ready to get to work.

  But Miss Donovan had different plans than usual that day. First, she divided us into three groups: Polly, Gemma, and I were Group I. Jannie, Gregg, and Sophie were Group II. Natalie and Miss Donovan were Group III. (I think maybe Miss Donovan wanted to give Natalie some extra help.)

  Next, Miss Donovan said, “Who knows what a spotter is?”

  Natalie waved her hand around wildly. “It’s like a bug,” she said, “and it has eight legs and there are lots of kinds — ”

  Gregg interrupted her. “Not spider,” he said. “Spotter. Spot-ter. Miss Donovan asked what a spotter is.”

  Natalie blushed. “Sor-reee,” she said.

  “That’s okay.” Miss Donovan smiled. “A spotter,” she went on, “is a person who watches while another person is practicing a move on a piece of equipment or trying a floor exercise. A spotter helps the gymnast. Most important, he keeps his eye on the gymnast at all times. He is right there if the gymnast stumbles or falls or runs into any trouble. A good spotter is very important. Each of you should learn to be a good spotter.”

  Miss Donovan showed us some things about spotting. Then she let the groups work on their own. Group II worked on the trampoline. My group worked on the beam. Miss Donovan helped Natalie with the floor routine.

  Boo. If I was going to be a good spotter, I would probably have to talk to Polly and Gemma. All right, I will only talk when I have to, I thought.

  Gemma ran to the balance beam. She hopped onto one end. “This is great, Karen,” she said. “Now you can show me how to turn around.”

  “Mm-hmm,” I replied.

  I walked with Gemma to the end of the beam. I did not help her by taking her hand, but I walked next to her, the way Miss Donovan had shown us. I held out my hand, just in case.

  At the end of the beam, Gemma turned around carefully.

  “Good,” I said. “That’s right. See? Keep your head up and your back straight. Try it again at the other end.”

  I helped Polly with the turn, too.

  Later, when we practiced our floor routines, I spotted Polly and showed her a good way to turn forward rolls. Then she spotted me and helped me with my cartwheels. Polly and Gemma and I worked hard.

  Also, we talked a lot, but I did not realize that until class was over. I realized something else then, too. The kids in Miss Donovan’s class like to talk — about gymnastics. After all, that is why they were in class.

  “Made You Look!”

  “Hey, Andrew!” I called. “Quick! Look outside! A gorilla is in the front yard! It is dancing around…. Now it is waving to me!”

  Andrew ran to his bedroom window. “Where? Where is the gorilla?” he cried.

  “April Fool!” I said.

  Friday had arrived at last. But —

  “Today is not April Fools’ Day,” said my brother. “No fair.”

  “It is April Fools’ Day in Ms. Colman’s room,” I told him.

  “Well, we are at Mommy’s house. We are not at your school.”

  Boo. Andrew was no fun.

  School was fun, though. Andrew let me borrow his squirting camera. I put it in my schoolbag along with the trick soap, the trick gum, and of course, t
he plastic cockroach. Today was my day to get Bobby Gianelli.

  This is what I did the very second I stepped inside Ms. Colman’s room. I called to Hannie. “Hey, Hannie, your shoe is untied!”

  “Uh-oh,” Hannie answered. She leaned over to fix her laces.

  “April Fool! Made you look!” I shouted.

  Hannie was wearing loafers. (They did not have shoelaces.) She giggled. “You got me, Karen.”

  April Fools’ Day Eve was off to a great start.

  I sat at my desk. I put away the things in my book bag. I had not told anyone about what I had ordered from McBuzz’s. I waited for a moment. Then I took out Andrew’s camera. It was already filled with water. When Pamela Harding walked into the room, I smiled.

  “Ooh, Pamela, what a lovely dress,” I said. “May I take your picture?”

  “Sure!” Pamela looked pleased.

  I pressed the button on top of the camera.

  Squeep! The little stream of water shot into Pamela’s hair.

  “Ew! Oh, gross! Karen, you ruined my hair!” cried Pamela. (There was, like, one drop of water on Pamela’s hair.)

  All around us, kids were laughing. “April Fool!” I said.

  Pamela frowned. She flumped into her chair.

  “Is that how you are going to get me?” Bobby asked me. “Because now I have already seen your tricks.”

  “Maybe, maybe not. Maybe, maybe not,” I sang.

  Soon school began. Ms. Colman made a Surprising Awful Announcement. “This weekend,” she said, “I want you to do five math worksheets and write a report about transportation.”

  Transportation? Five worksheets? Oh, yuck!

  “April Fool!” cried Ms. Colman. She had gotten us.

  All morning I waited for gym. I tried to be patient. That was hard, considering I had hidden the cockroach in my shoe. I could feel it every time I moved my foot. At last Ms. Colman told our class to line up for P. E. (That stands for physical education.) We walked to the gym. We took off our shoes. We put on our sneakers. I tied my laces very, very slowly. While I did that, Bobby ran for a basketball. He and Ricky and Hank tossed it around.